literature

About Last Night

Deviation Actions

fyrefayre's avatar
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Literature Text

I found your pack of Camels on the floor the next morning
I stared at it for a moment, lying harmless on lush carpet,
a flood of flashbacks:
     the light from your red cherry [two dancing fireflies]
     the sound of your laughter [joyous and carefree]
     the smile on your lips I felt, but couldn't see [a shared gift]
     the touch of your hair against my cheek [such brief intimacy]
     the warmth of your skin [lingering temptations]
I picked it up slowly and caught a faint glimmer of your scent
mingled with cigarettes and smoke, as I pushed the cap closed

it was close to dawn when you finally left that night
the sun peaking over the horizon in vibrant reds and yellows
I'm not sure if I'm ready:
     to see your face in the sunlight [shining bright with life]
     to look in your eyes for that secret smile [as only knowledge grows]
     to pretend to talk of little things [new conversations waiting]
     to know what you think of me now [after true colors shown]
     to remember last night [between you and me]
I held the pack of cigarettes in my hand, a living testament
to your ghostly presence; I'll have to return it... soon, but not yet
Gah - I hate writing romantic poetry! It goes against my nature... *laugh*

Okay, so this is an idea started from a line given to me "a pack of cigarettes left on the floor". Rather than go with the traditional erotic perspective (it's on the floor, there must have been sex), I wanted to express that tender awkwardness that only happens at the beginning of a budding relationship and how a simple object, belonging to the other person, can stir such conflicting emotions. Eagerness and hesitation, hope and fear, desire and platonic necessity.

And since I haven't posted anything in a while, I figured I'd throw it up for critique. (Note: as I really don't want to get a bunch of questions... remember that not everything I write about is an actual event.)
© 2006 - 2024 fyrefayre
Comments5
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MakiWulf's avatar
This could also be referring to an innocent encounter where you find out about a secret attraction...

it's good, I like it. Makes me wonder why you picked Camels. ;)